When Desiring to Find Oneself

Hello Bloggers and Bloggettes!

My name is Monique and I'm a computer analyst and also a dear friend of a tech savvy, fashionista, brown girl bloggette who is paving the way in Blog Land. Shanita, has created Within Her Words, Shanita's Voice of Reason and a few of her blogs are posted on Mode.com in which one of her blogs was featured on their homepage!

Okay now the introduction are out of the way let’s get to the reason I'm here, which is none other than to support my sister on her mission! All those who knows Mo, knows Mo is not a writer so I have no idea where to begin, with that being said I will begin with a question..

  1. How do you find your inner being when challenged by the mini pitfalls in life? And then another question stemmed from the 1st one….
  2. Should one person motivate you to the point you feel lost without them?
    1. Is it okay for another human to make you feel so encouraged you are able to work leaps and bounds beyond your mental state? I know that was a 2 in 1, lol.

I think it is perfectly fine for you to feel uplifted through the presence of someone else. If their aura fuels your jet let it rip. However don't become so consumed with the thought of them always being there because life happens, real shit happens. You have to remember and concentrate on you in order to discover and develop what truly makes you happy and get you revved every day.

So let me tell you where all this stemmed from. So not to many moons ago I was married yes married and now happily divorced (Yippee). But with that I allowed the love for my children to drive my ambition and to go with the flow of life. Initially I had a checklist (I know every planner has one) of things I wanted to do in order to avoid the unavoidable and here they were:

  1. Both parents in the same house with my children.
  2. Not to be poor or require state assistance
  3. Obtain a higher education

Just those few things led me to acquire 2 bachelor degrees, a slew of certifications, work 2 full time jobs for years at a time, and in doing so I lost myself in the process. (My purpose, the why and what of my inner happiness) After the divorce I was able to realize the damage I created to myself but most of all my children because of my absence. I was so absorbed in not being poor and obtaining degrees that I wasn’t nurturing my children or myself through the process. And it’s wasn't until now when life is running a little smoother that I was able to focus enough to realize I lost or didn't know my purpose anymore (If I truly ever knew it). Why I’m here, and what makes me happy.

 For the past 2 years I’ve been in a relationship that’s flourishing slowly but I’m grateful because I have time to smell the roses along the way. Now in this relationship I know I’m nearly head over heels emotionally because I still get butterflies when he comes around and joy rests upon my face when we are together. Now this goes back to my 2nd question: Should one person motivate you to the point you feel lost without them? When we are together he fires up and something inside of me has me going like the Duracell bunny. Then there’s the dull, not so fun moments, when he’s gone (to his home, yep no shacking; trying to limit those husband qualities when he’s my boyfriend) I feel drained a bit lost, unmotivated and I began to feel some type of way about it.. Not that its bad but it goes into the other part of question number 2: Is it okay for another human to make you feel so encouraged you are able to jump leaps and bounds beyond your mental state? Why do I not have this same motivation by myself? So I began to ponder this thought and begun to write down things I want to do, you know what my next feat will be. I wrote down everything........... yes I carry a mini 3x5 notebook in my purse. I also spoke to my dear friend and this is what she had to say and I quote.

 “I don’t think there is anything wrong with someone making you feel like they motivate you and lifting your spirits. I have felt the same way at certain points in my life. But I do realize what is important is that you can’t lose yourself in that. You can’t allow it to be someone that gives you the high you need to move forward and do things. That’s because if anything ever were to happen to that person you are emotionally so invested and won’t have any direction. That’s not okay for you. You’ve got to make the time to find what drives you, not the kids not the Boo-thing or any of that. It has to be something that drives you. I know sometimes it’s hard to do but you have to set some time aside for meditation and prayer so that you can be led to identify it.  I know you’ve been through a lot and have gone through and still do, but you don’t let that deter you from finding your true happiness and that will never come in someone else other than you and God. It will be yours outside of everything. And I believe you will find it.” Shanita Brown (The Blogger You Love)

 Here I am hearing what I already know from my dear friend and nothing but God had her share these thoughts with me at this moment in my life. And that’s when my blog was born, lol hope you’re enjoying reading this as much as I am sharing a part of me with you. I have some mental rearranging I must do, meaning mentally I must focus, and believe in myself more than I have. My mindset must change to the, I am POSSIBLE, and steadfast in each goal I set. Knowing I want this “something” for me and after the kids are gone it’s just me it will help sustain my happiness, I will remain vibrant. It’s time to go against all that I have been taught or absorbed over time which was go with the flow rather than what would drive and push me to higher limits by going AGAINST the GRAIN. Now don’t get me wrong I won’t stop growing in my relationships but my personal growth comes 1st and I will begin by removing the emotional piece, make my meditations more direct and pray more often.

 f you find yourself struggling with “Finding Yourself” try these things out yourself and see which one works for you. Make time for you, pray, meditate, scream it out loud so you can hear it, feel it and identify your true inner most desires you want to carry out. Remember to write it down then develop a strategy to get to those goals and start checking things off.

  1. Accept yourself above all else. Resolve to make peace with who you are so that you can start showing up for the world. ...
  2. Perfect is not real. Nothing's perfect. ...
  3. Accept everything. Stop judging. ...
  4. Be selfish. ...
  5. Use everyone else as a mirror. ...
  6. Connect to your core.


I’ve found you have to get uncomfortable to connect with the bigger picture of whom and what you’re destined to become to feel fulfilled. As for me I’ve become so acclimated to the monotony of life and all of what comes with the peaks and valleys. When you sulk in misery you exacerbate the situation. I became even more frustrated and angry as I grew more unfulfilled, packed on a few pounds (okay I packed on a lot of pounds) and at the very moment when I was panting for air after going up a flight of stairs I knew it was time for a change.

We women have that good ole intuition so USE it, sit still, be quiet and listen to your soul speak to you. I know mines does and it is on point when I have my moments.  A few of my friends can attest to my prophesying over their lives.  Lastly ask for help. Over the years I’ve dabbled with many network marketing gigs from selling weight loss products, I started my own IT consulting business, 3+ Theories, LLC (which I still have and do on the side) found that being a travel agent brings me the most joy because I don’t have to SELL anything and people ALWAYS want to TRAVEL.  Another hidden desire I hold near is to own and manage a Day Care Center (Underway but slow). I have a deep aspiration to help people in different ways (yes I know, I need to narrow this down) but my point is I have a few fulfilling ideas in my toolbox I need to polish up and prepare to be showcased. I am responsible for my happiness and through the guidance of my Father, our Father up above I will find, divide and conquer. The possibilities are endless because I am POSSIBLE!!!

 Miss Mo


Ms Mo

Educated, Engineer, Mother, Friend

Sharing something very dear to her heart because people can always connect to your struggle.