From scratch? The beginning? A do over? You're serious? Return to Go.......without my two hundred dollars???? I stand in the mirror saying that out loud lately. My only sanity being my faith and the complete and total fact that I KNOW God is moving me. Closing some doors and opening others. So smooth that I know it isn't me. The way things happen sometimes lets us know it isn't of our own volition. We'd never be able to accomplish some of these things on our own and the older I get the more clear that becomes.
I made a huge decision for my life in a matter of moments. As odd as this may sound based on my first statement, I thought about it long and hard……………..I pondered it and fought against it for the longest time. I continued to convince myself that maybe it wasn’t right, that I could handle it, I didn’t need to do it, and it would work itself out. All the stuff we tell ourselves when we truly don’t want to move on something we know in our hearts we should move on. For over two years I did this to myself. I know I’m capable of a lot and I can handle anything I’m given, but sometimes it’s just not meant for us to do that and we suffer unnecessarily because we do what we want to do and not what we should do.
The best blogs are raw. They are dirty. Messy. Emotional. They tell the story of the writer and exposes their souls for the readers to consume. You sometimes look irresponsible or even petty. Self-centered or naive. But the reality is, that's the way it should be no matter what it looks like because it's the truth. It's fact. It's irrefutable because it's a story that can be told over and over again without skipping a beat. You don't have to reach deep to remember what you said because you felt it so much so that you always remember. Even when you reread your work you get chills........each time........without fail.
Life can be hard. Period Point Blank. Especially when dealing with things and people you cannot control. No matter the dealings, they create the same problem…….you don’t get a say in how things will turn out or how things will be. You are pretty much navigating without a compass and praying that the destination yields the results you know you deserve. You do that because you are silently imparting your expectation knowing full and well that what you would do is not always what someone else would do in your same situation.
I want to just ask this question…….Why do we create our own reality to make life fit into the box we design for it? Why do we decide that what we want is the only thing that matters instead of looking at the entire picture and realizing that it isn’t what we need at all? Why are we so hell bent on bending and twisting things into our own personal perception of its existence that the truth becomes completely distorted while the lies we tell ourselves are what we begin to stand on? Why?
If you never learn a single thing about the life you live, one thing you will always be forced to learn as time passes is that………………..you are getting older! Even if you attempt to flee from that truth, it will always become evident as you keep living. You change, your body changes, your mind changes, your interests change, your circle changes, your circumstances change……………CHANGE changes! It’s inevitable. Once you realize it though it’s important to embrace it! Don’t exist in a place where you avoid the reality of life because if you do, you’ll fail to maintain the truth, authenticity and happiness that you are entitled to every day of yours.
Raise your hand if you are the ultimate giver? The one always going out of your way to do whatever other people need you to do (prompted or unprompted). Not because you want someone to notice, but because giving just comes natural for you. Because it’s easy! If you could see me now you’d see me raising both hands. When I look back over my life and all the things that I have given of myself, I feel blessed to have been able to do it. I give so willingly and I never have expectation that I will get anything back. Raise your hand if you are the ultimate giver? The one always going out of your way to do whatever other people need you to do (prompted or unprompted). Not because you want someone to notice, but because giving just comes natural for you. Because it’s easy! If you could see me now you’d see me raising both hands. When I look back over my life and all the things that I have given of myself, I feel blessed to have been able to do it. I give so willingly and I never have expectation that I will get anything back.
There are roads that we are destined to travel in life. In my personal opinion, they are either filled with a thousand twists and turns, detours, hills, mountains, pot holes, red lights, and yield signs or they are smooth.........because we pay attention to the signs that say CAUTION, turn down the alternate route. But regardless to the path taken and the roads traveled along that path, life is happening, we are living and the growth we experience is unforgettable. It's necessary. And what's also necessary is the support system provided to you along the way.
I’m a firm believer that in all things we encounter we receive signs on how to deal with them. I also believe that when those signs don’t line up with the path we want to walk down or the way we want to handle the situation, we tend to ignore them and continue to ask for guidance hoping the new sign is somehow different. The unfortunate part is that in the midst of ignoring the signs, we are dealing with the unnecessary. The human side of us is always so hopeful that we can fix or remedy a situation based on how we feel and the potential we see in it as opposed to understanding how little potential means if the situation isn’t already living up to it. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t cultivate some things………….it only means that we need to take heed to the things that are not meant for us to intervene in.
I'm always inspired by the girls who are younger. That 20 to 28 year old who is living by her own rules. Grabbing the bull by the horns because she doesn't really understand why any other way makes sense. The girl who lives on her own terms because she doesn't allow anything to taint her perspective on life. The girl who bounces back quickly after the fuck boy breaks her heart because she knows damn well she shouldn't invest another moment in a person who would do so for her. This girl who is uninhibited and free. Not tied down to a standard or bound by rules. Not because she has no morals or standards but because she realized early in life that you only get one and you shouldn't waste it worrying what other people think, feel or say.