So I’ve only gotten in to a few episodes of It’s Not You It’s Men on OWN (http://www.oprah.com/app/its-not-you-its-men.html). I pretty much catch it when I do because Tyrese is my one. He’s my MCE! (I mean look at him) Lol…………..I’m just being honest. Even with his slips at exposing his feminine tendencies in fighting with Tank and Ginuwine, I’m still good!
Anyway, on episode 2 they came up with the idea that everyone wants to be married. As I started to think about that in more depth I was wondering just how true it is. Do we all subconsciously have a desire to be married?
I was the type of person that never thought about marriage and family. I grew up in a broken home and my parents, though they never divorced, separated very early on. I was probably nine or so when that happened. With all the turmoil in their relationship, they never made me want to be married. I figured if it was that crazy then what did I need it for? I didn’t even have the dreams of them reconnecting. I always thought it was weird when I would hear other people say they wanted their parents back together or saw movies that showed kids who were devastated by the breakup. I guess maybe from a stability perspective I got it but it just wasn’t me.
The ups and downs of their marriage and other marriages I had seen pretty much had my compass pointing in the opposite direction. The world didn’t help either because the true value and beauty of marriage has been lost on all the foolishness they perpetuate in relationships that shouldn’t have led to marriage in the first place. They are either constructed out of time invested or some type of convenience or rush to get married for a variety of ridiculous reasons like age and biological clocks, etc….. Not out of connection, love and longing to spend your life with that person. Then people don’t want to get married because they are avoiding the drama they see other people going through.
Fast Forward…………I had a child when I was 21. Greatest thing in my life and I don’t regret him. What I do regret is that he too is in a broken family situation. How it has affected him was unexpected because even though he doesn’t remember his father and I being together, he longs for it. I’ve always wanted stability for him because as much as I didn’t really consciously desire marriage, I wanted the life for him that I had at one point. I think all kids deserve to have both of their parents in one place. Being his mother and taking care of him has created some different thoughts inside of me. It has been this life and the evolution of me that has changed my heart on the matter of marriage. The stability of family is something that I now desire.
Either way, all thanks goes to the parental units for dimming my light on matrimony and family. I didn’t sit around envisioning my marriage or my children. Never thought of dresses or flowers or anything………….it was just something very distant from me. Being a mom, maturing, living and growing into myself………..embracing who I am and the direction I have been taking my life in………that’s what has brought me to the place of understanding I am a wife. This is the way I want to be treated because it’s how I carry myself and that’s how it is for me now.
I say all of that to say that deep down, no matter where we are in life, we get to a certain place where I feel we all desire that level of commitment and stability. Someone that vows to be by your side for life. I don’t think that there are too many things in life more beautiful than that. The natural desire for that life was probably always inside of me but until certain things in life started to happen, it was just dormant. I do know that it isn’t in the cards for everyone to enjoy marital bliss, but I also don’t believe that we were placed here without some desire for a life of stability with someone we love and that loves us in return. So I definitely believe that somewhere inside, we’ve all got that little itch! Don’t you think ?
Until Next Time Lovies!