Since I can remember I have always been the girl who wore her heart on her sleeve. There isn’t much you can do to me that you can’t tell how I feel about it. I believe I got that from my grandmother. Lol she is by far one of the most honest people in the world. Hilda is probably one of my favorite people. She doesn’t even know how amazing I think she is. I guess I better get on letting her know huh? Anyway, I think sometimes people look at that part of me as dramatic. Someone who wants to be argumentative. Someone that doesn’t see reason or someone else’s perspective. As if I like drama. I couldn’t disagree more. I look at it as someone who is filled with passion and insight. Passion from all that I’ve seen, done, heard and experienced for myself or through someone else. People take for granted what life does to them whether it is a good or bad experience. Whatever it does do, makes you who you are. You are never the same after you go through something. I own that part of myself.
When I think of all the components of who I am as a woman and who I am becoming, I think immediately of acceptance. I didn’t always accept myself. Found myself sometimes trying to fit in to what others thought I should be. I don’t want to be that though and neither should anyone else who finds themselves in that same position. That makes you a forgery of yourself. It’s uncomfortable and eventually you will tell on yourself because the true person you are will be revealed no matter how you try to cover it up. An important lesson I learned through my relationships with others………..BE YOU, DO WHAT YOU DO. No one does it better.
I had someone tell me that they finally saw me for who I was. I was taken aback by it but as each day passed after those words left their lips, I really wondered what that was. What is it that people see when they see me? How do they perceive my passion, my feelings, my dreams, my life’s ideals? Are they constantly judging me because they hate me for who I’ve become as a woman and they don’t agree with it or because they are envious of the woman I’ve become because I am free. I can look at myself in the mirror without a concern for who I see because that woman has survived. She has been through more than anyone but my cousin Jennifer knows. She has endured more than anyone should probably have in thirty three years. But she stands tall, still accomplishing and living her dreams beyond what people saw for her. How can I be ashamed of that? That’s what I see so it doesn’t matter what others see.
I have been growing to understand myself. NO matter what truths I face as me, I can live with them. I work on myself all the time. I constantly mature and constantly take what life gives as just another lesson. Just another opportunity to make myself better. No matter who comes and goes, I can appreciate what remains. God. Love. Friends. Family. The hard work that I’ve done to get where I am no matter what struggles I face as I continue to push forward in life. Only I can hold myself back and stop myself from progress. No matter what others see, God is my only judge. He’s the only one who can tell me job well done. He’s the only one I plan to listen to. After all, when I see me I see a mother who has weathered single parenthood, a student who worked full time and got two degrees, an employee that was managing a team of thirty by the time she was thirty. A woman who has loved beyond capacity regardless to what was given back to her. A friend who has had the back of someone who truly needed her. A daughter. A sister. A cousin. Whoever was needed in whatever the moment was. How can I be ashamed of that? So the next time someone tells you that they have finally seen you………………..laugh at them and say, I see me too and who I see, I LOVE ENTIRELY. Flaws and all.
Until Next Time Lovies!