I made a huge decision for my life in a matter of moments. As odd as this may sound based on my first statement, I thought about it long and hard……………..I pondered it and fought against it for the longest time. I continued to convince myself that maybe it wasn’t right, that I could handle it, I didn’t need to do it, and it would work itself out. All the stuff we tell ourselves when we truly don’t want to move on something we know in our hearts we should move on. For over two years I did this to myself. I know I’m capable of a lot and I can handle anything I’m given, but sometimes it’s just not meant for us to do that and we suffer unnecessarily because we do what we want to do and not what we should do.
I’m a firm believer in being a listener when God speaks…………..or whomever it is that you listen to for guidance in your spiritual life. He speaks softly most times and then when He sees I have no interest in His still small voice, He yells. I don’t appreciate the yelling AT ALL. We’ve had that conversation many times. But those whispers make me doubt whether it’s Him because it’s not lining up specifically with where I want to be and what I want to do. I’m sure so many of us can relate to that. So this huge decision I made in a matter of moments came down to me deciding that I was going to just be obedient. I just wanted to do what He was telling me to do for so long and I’ve been fighting Him so long to do the opposite.
Now let me tell you how much relief it brought to me. Because I worry, it did bring about a level of concern and terror that was nearly palpable. But honestly, the peace in the decision gave me all I needed to know how right it was. When you feel a peace you can’t explain about a situation that has been stressing you out, let me confirm for you now, that’s the sign it is right. At times I feel a huge burden lift from me because I just decide to stop doing what it is I want to do. Moving in the direction that I see fit. Making the calls that I know for a fact are not the right calls………………because I am doubting in that moment that my faith is strong enough to determine when it’s God talking and when it’s just plain old me. Many roads have been made curvy and bumping listening to little old me.
From the moment I made the decision to leap head first into something that scared me to no earthly end, I have had every form of confirmation there is. That’s another thing that shows me how right I was. See, my fears have been letting go of things I’ve worked so hard for. I put so much blood, sweat and tears into everything that I have accomplished in this life that letting go was a sign of defeat and failure for me. I could care less what others think about my choices and where I am at this point in my life. I only care about me. How it makes me feel. I have to look at myself in the mirror and deal with only me at the end of every day. I was in pain physically and I cried uncontrollably before making the plunge. It’s okay to mourn the loss of things in your life, but it’s important not to stay in that place of mourning. It stifles your growth and development and it clouds your judgment. It clouded mines for two long long long years. Being deathly afraid of the resentment, disappointment and defeat I felt towards my own self. But I want to share something with everyone that I have learned in this very moment in my life. It is okay to hit the RESET button. It’s okay to BEGIN AGAIN. It’s okay to embrace the FRESH START you so desperately need sometimes to catapult you into the next stage in your life. That reset may set you up for the greatest set of blessings you have ever experienced and until you embrace that fact, you will often times be stuck in the moment, suffering longer than you need to and holding on to things that you should have long let go of.
I can appreciate changes in life. Things have changed for me many many times as I have grown. What I have learned as a friend, mother, professional, confidant, family member…………..those are all valuable things that have helped me grow. In every interaction and dealing I have had in life I have grown just a little more and have begun to value what is important to me. I value the respect I give myself for working hard, accomplishing, failing, beginning again and giving myself opportunities to succeed once more. It’s the cycle of life. Fall and get back up. Never stop getting back up. Never take away from yourself for having setbacks or times in life where you are called to willingly give up things that you couldn’t imagine living without. So in this choice I am again growing. Right after I made the decision to release, things began to happen so quickly. Another indication that where I am going in my life is going to be better than where I have been and starting over is not the things I should have issues with myself over. It’s taking so long to embrace how important starting over really is for me and my babies. So I say to all my followers, if you are at a place in your life where you can’t determine whether you should stay where you are or move where your maker is telling you to move, have no doubts. All that is lost will be recovered. Every blessing due you will come to you. Every failure is a lesson allowing you the opportunity to deal with the success you will later experience. Everything you have lost will be restored 10 times over and it will always be better than the last time.
Until Next Time Lovies!