Lowering The Standard

Set your own standards but NEVER allow those standards to be defined by your past to a point that you set them lower than you deserve…………for that will have you living below what God has for you.
— Miss B

Life can be hard.  Period Point Blank.  Especially when dealing with things and people you cannot control.  No matter the dealings, they create the same problem…….you don’t get a say in how things will turn out or how things will be. You are pretty much navigating without a compass and praying that the destination yields the results you know you deserve.  You do that because you are silently imparting your expectation knowing full and well that what you would do is not always what someone else would do in your same situation.  Quite candidly, I have been let down so many times that I almost have a predetermined way to deal with it…………and even expect the let down to rear its ugly head.  This is sometimes to the point where I anticipate it and don’t expect things to happen in the way I deserve.  At that point it’s leading down the path of lowered expectations.  But the important thing to remember when allowing yourself to redefine behaviors you will embrace, take on and accept, is knowing that when it is lower than where it should be, that is what you will attract.  It comes out in how you carry yourself and the energy your body exudes.  Those frequencies you begin to vibrate on call things that they should never call out to and the bar you have set lower than necessary is the bar that other individuals are measured against………………..or they aim even lower because they see that you don’t expect much.

I dated a guy one time that clearly saw I expected nothing.  He was cute, good job, no kids………….you know…………..pretty good beginners list.  But I was dealing with him as if I really didn’t care.  I probably didn’t BUT, I always question why I didn’t.  He’d say certain things to me that gave me indications he was interested in more and I’d respond to him with something stupid or something I’m sure he didn’t want to hear.  Before you know it, he stopped calling me.  In the moment I didn’t really care because I don’t think it was something that I really thought would develop anyway.  But the truth is, my attitude about it and what I expected of him was very obvious to him and to me.  So he gave only what I wanted and then he decided to move on because I didn’t want much.  How many times do we do that?  How many times do we not truly follow through with something and not realize just how the way we moved affected the entire situation?

Pain and disappointment have a way of fostering the growth of the insecurities we begin to develop as we live this life.  So many times we allow ourselves to be victims in situations because we know where we went wrong.  We see our flaws so much faster than someone else because we are our biggest critics.  That victim mentality has us blaming ourselves for everything that doesn’t go right in a situation that goes wrong and there are so many problems with that way of thinking.  Yeah we have parts to play in all the things that happen in our lives, but the truth is, we cannot control other people and how they interact with us.  We cannot decide who they will and will not be when they are involved in something that pertains to us.  So that should make it very obvious that we cannot blame ourselves for their inability to meet our expectations.  All we can do in this life is correct our behavior when we accept them not meeting the standard.  Stop wasting time in fruitless dealings.  We have no reason to deny ourselves of what we deserve because someone we want to fit the narrative doesn’t.  There comes a time where you have to be okay with that, put on your big boy or big girl panties and keep it moving.  The saying time is precious is not just a cute anecdote.  It’s real life and it applies 100% of the time.

I shared this because it is something that has been a recent struggle for me.  I have had a hard time forgiving myself for some things that I have allowed to manifest themselves in my life.  I have held them so close that they have stopped me from believing in a beginning that I long ago forgot could be reality for myself and I know that so many of us live in that same space.  But I made a promise to myself to forgive myself.  Yes it’s important to forgive others but we forget to include ourselves.  I always say we should never hold ourselves hostage to our mistakes and it’s something that is a constant affirmation on my bathroom mirror.  Looking at myself I can reaffirm the obvious and everyone else should too.  Every person here has a right to make mistakes, believe in something or someone too much, invest more than what they should, give when nothing is being given back and pray over something that should have died long ago.  But once that time has passed and the chips have fallen where they will fall, it’s important to get back in the game with fresh eyes, renewed perspective and standards intact.  Never lower the bar because of the things that are now behind you.  They are exactly that.  IN YOUR PAST.  Something to take lessons from and to grow from.  Don’t cheat yourself out of the things you deserve because of a few mistakes.

Until Next Time Lovies!

Miss B

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