No Judgment Zone: Being Shaped By Our Experiences

With each step we take in life, we are walking into the person that we are destined to be.  Whether we take an easy road because we are following sound direction or the hard road because we aren’t, we ARE going to make it to the finish line.  I speak a lot about personal perception, direction, goals, destiny……… things that are molded, shaped and reveal while we are learning and moving forward in life…..but I recently took a true look into what that meant.  What it means to be shaped by your encounters and experiences…… they affect you on the deepest of levels.  How they truly change you even when you don’t know that they have done so.

I took a look into the face of a woman I’ve known my whole life the other day.  It’s almost as if I was seeing her for the first time.  It wasn’t like I didn’t know her story or things that she had endured, but as other things about her were revealed, it made perfect sense to me why she is the person I had been staring at all of these years.  It was the deeper look that revealed her to me and the figurative reintroduction touched me deeply to my core.  It reinforced my perspective on never judging a book by its cover.  I’ve known her all my life and didn’t really know her.  If you sat down and thought about it, you too would recognize this same fact about people in your life.

I stared into the face of this woman.  I looked deeply into her soul.  I heard all the pain she was holding on to from her life.  I saw all the disappointment that she had faced.  I saw every tear she cried and understood why those tears still fall.  I paid close attention to each story and I was able to truly dissect each scar she possesses.  It made it clear why she became the woman that she became.  It made sense why everything was so hard to deal with even when it seemed so trivial to me.  It was clear why failures so minuscule seemed like gigantic failures to her that paralyzed her future efforts of trying to recover and begin again.  It really made me sad because it was clear to me more than ever before that we are affected by the lives we have lived before the new days we are given to live again.

Some of us endure hardships in life that manipulate us mentally into believing that we are not worthy of success and goodness.  We no longer ask the question of why not me for prosperity and peace…….but in turn we ask ourselves, why me for any of it?  We do ourselves a disservice because some of us are not strong enough to really break through adversity and use it for good so we allow it to put us on a downward spiral of failure and complacency in that failure.  It throws our lives out of alignment because at that point we are living our past hurts over and over again which doesn’t let us move forward to our future.  I can speak to this truth because I have had moments where I stayed in the disappointment too long.  I let it make me comfortable sulking in the sorrow of the mishap.  That place is where all of your vision and hope for your life dreams die and that’s when you have to start pulling from whatever is in your tool box to re-motivate yourself.

In my toolbox: my faith, my family, my friends and my personal fortitude.  I draw almost always from these key things.  Regardless of the cards I was dealt and the nights I did have moments of wallowing in my sorrows, I pulled from my tool box to move forward.  No matter how many nights I was hard on myself and how endless they seemed, I began again with new hope, new joy, new peace and new lessons from the things that didn’t go as planned.  It isn’t as easy as it sounds.  Believe me.  But it takes you using the things that put life into its proper perspective to fuel the fire for regeneration and forward movement.  I suggest you find your tools because one thing life does do to us all is get hard and disappointing and you don’t want to be scrambling around trying to figure out where to start when at a low point.

I have always been a little hard on this woman because she never truly motivated herself to move forward for better.  She allowed disappointment, frustration and pain to stifle her growth in life because no matter what she knew was in her toolbox, she hardly ever used it to push her into the ever flowing current of life.  I constantly was on her case and getting angry that she didn’t seem to have the same drive inside of her that I had to get on with it because it seemed so easy to me to make a different choice.  The truth is, everyone isn’t successful at using the bad to promote the good but that doesn’t mean you can judge them for it.  Humans can be really critical when they can’t connect to how someone handles something (guilty as charged).  Especially if it doesn’t line up properly with how they would handle it.  They assume they know what you should or shouldn’t do and the whole idea is based on their mindset, experiences and the lives they have lived.  I say to that, you can’t relate to where I stand if you haven’t Walked In My Shoes.

I’m sure that I didn’t learn everything there was to know about the foundation she is built upon.  I’m sure that I still can’t truly see or feel what she sees and feels when she is looking at herself and reminiscing about her life.  What I did do was have an opportunity not just to connect to her a little deeper but also for self retrospection.  I can see clearly why I am who I am and why I do things that others don’t agree with and sometimes I don’t myself agree with.  The key is understanding that we all will never truly know what is it is like to live another person’s life and feel their experiences as deeply as they do…….but to implement “Compassion, Support, Prayer and Love over Judgment”.  Even if you can empathize with something shared, you can’t determine the outcome of the feelings that come with making the choices that are presented as life is being lived by that person. 

Until Next Time Lovies!!

Miss B

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