The Gift That Keeps You Giving

Raise your hand if you are the ultimate giver?  The one always going out of your way to do whatever other people need you to do (prompted or unprompted).  Not because you want someone to notice, but because giving just comes natural for you.  Because it’s easy!  If you could see me now you’d see me raising both hands.  When I look back over my life and all the things that I have given of myself, I feel blessed to have been able to do it.  I give so willingly and I never have expectation that I will get anything back.  That’s how it should be.  You should always give from your heart without expectation.  The problem I run in to being this much of a giver is the ability to be on the receiving end of a gift myself.  So no matter how badly I may need or how much relief I’d love to have, I never know how to ask let alone receive it.  I even push it away.  Now how many of you do this same thing??

I was listening to a sermon the other day while I was lounging around the house and the amount of “In My Face” that was going on during that word was disturbing.  I don’t believe God brings us to a place of need to make us loathe the vulnerability that we often may feel in that place, but to be humble in the space and realize that there is nothing wrong with having a need.  There are people in your life that come along for that specific reason alone.  To provide when you lack.  Where I have been going wrong is never actually taking heed and pushing through on my own………………making my journey much harder to navigate.  In those stubborn moments where I am trying to figure it all out on my own, I am stumbling and life is truly harder than it needs to be.  Even knowing that, I still have a problem accepting the outstretched hand.

A couple of months ago I was ripping and running because so much was going on with people in my life.  I literally had to have a breakdown in order for me to see I was running myself ragged and neglecting my own self-care before I said ENOUGH and stopped feeling the need to keep running.  That’s when I started to see how my giving and desire to be there for those around me was starting to become an unmanageable expectation that I was imposing solely on myself.  Not because the demand is high but because naturally I desire to be there and be supportive.  As people started to remind me of my situation and the fact that I needed to be more mindful of where I was, offering me help and assistance that I continued to push off, I knew that I had a problem that really needed to be visited without question.  I realized it again yesterday when my girlfriend called up to ask if I needed anything on her way home.  She was willing to make the stop, it wasn’t out of her way, I needed what she was going to stop for, and yet somehow I managed to sabotage the whole exchange leading me to not having what I really needed in the first place!  She said to me……………….I understand.  It’s hard to accept the help.  My light bulb went off immediately because without even saying anything to her about my struggle she immediately connected to it.  She immediately could see that I wasn’t able to make myself vulnerable even in that moment to accept what she was offering.  Yet another moment that I was able to see the importance of truly staying committed to working on that part of myself.

So many of us go above and beyond to make sure those in our lives are happy.  That they don’t have lack or need as long as we have a means to provide the assistance.  Me…….I’m guilty as charged.  My comfort zone is always being the person to provide the help.  I could care less what people think about that because I don’t shout from the mountain tops that I have done things for people nor do I remind them.  I just dwell in the "giver" space where it’s easier for me.  But I am in a different season in my life where pushing help away just makes life harder for me and releasing the desire to always be strong is becoming very necessary though a struggle.  Reprogramming yourself to know that it’s okay to be in need and allow yourself to be helped is hard but it’s almost a relief.  A relief because you can let go of some things and not worry so much about how they will work themselves out.  Someone else has come along and been placed in your life to take that burden off of you.  That’s a great thing.  It’s not something that needs to be dodged and worked around for avoidance purposes.

I always like to give a lesson learned for my readers because if you don’t give transparency and a lesson what are you writing for right?  But the reality is, though I’m working as hard as possible to release the reigns of control over every little thing in life, I’m a massive work in progress in that area.  The only thing I can truly say is everything isn’t meant for one person to figure out on their own.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your ability to release.  But do the work and commit to yourself that you will accept the relief that comes with allowing things, no matter how small, to be worked out in the way they should whether you control the situation or not.  That you will accept a helping hand when you can’t figure it out.  That you will accept support when you feel the support beams in your life coming from under your foundation.  It’s life so don’t be hard on yourself.  It’s a life lesson that many of us have learned very softly………………or if you are like me…………………very much so the hard way!

Until Next Time Lovies!

Miss B

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