I think there comes a time in every relationship where communication is challenged. You will certainly almost always reach an impasse that creates a consideration amount of contention. What I find for myself is that it often leads down the road of resentment and regret. This begs the following question: How do you avoid this point in order to avoid this conflict all together? How do you save yourself from the headache that comes from this fork in the road that is always inevitable to reach?
So I'm on Facebook and I see a video of Steph Curry and his wife talking about their relationship. Cute clips of different things they've said or moments that were captured between them by others around them. Someone posted it and put the caption "seems genuine" under the post. I laughed because if that's nothing else, that's the first sign of someone who is jealous because they don't have it. Critiquing someone else's love because they don't know love like it or haven't held out to know it. Go figure.
I have quite a few girlfriends but only a handful of them I truly consider close sister friends. Someone I'd do anything for or with. These are the few I'd go to the ends of the earth for without question, logic or reason! All they have to do is say pack a bag we've got to go. When they are experiencing things in life it almost feels that we are one. I'm experiencing it with them on a level that is as emotional as if it were me myself. That's how deep the connection that I have to this particular group runs. The ups and downs, the highs and lows, the successes and failures, I experience it with them and for years it has been that way.
I have made some huge…………no………….GIGANTIC sacrifices for love a time or two. However, even though I made them, there was one thing or another that just proved those sacrifices weren’t needed, appreciated or necessary and I needed to move on. In the midst of it though I didn’t see or care that I wasn’t making the best decisions for myself because in love, I am selfless, giving and accommodating………..sometimes to a fault. If we are all honest with ourselves, we are admitting the same thing. Even when we knew the square peg didn’t fit into the round hole in a way that enhanced our lives, we continued to maneuver around that fact to make it work regardless. When we do that, we are simply diminishing our own worth and showing the other person that we don’t feel deserving of someone we don’t have to force-fit into our ideal.
It saddens me deeply to watch anyone I care about be mistreated. As a friend or loved one, at times we have to stand by and allow it to happen. Many times, the individual that is involved in the situation is accepting the circumstances that they have been subjected to. It doesn’t matter what we say or how we say it either. They have to make the CHOICE to move forward in their lives even if we can give them clear and concise examples as to why that’s the smartest option. Some people want to stand and fight. Some people don’t want to give up. Some people aren’t capable of accepting defeat. In those moments they don’t realize just how greatly they are being transformed as a person……………..never to be the same again……………….for better or for worse.
I have come to learn throughout my years of dating that relationships end all the time and there is nothing wrong with that. Every person that you encounter is not meant to be in your life for a lifetime but they are definitely there to teach you something valuable about who you are and what you are capable of. If you are doing your part, you are picking up the lessons that come with each relationship and you are becoming a better person for yourself and your next one. The key to this is not being bitter and creating an unbearable situation that doesn’t allow you to move forward in peace.
Some of the best questions stem from life experiences or just really good conversations that take place between girlfriends! Communicating with others really allows you to see things from different perspectives and that is why I love talking to my circle of friends about things we question. The other day we were talking about a variety of things and we ended up on the subject of relationships. We spoke about the Black race in general being diluted (multiple layers to this whole concept and idea). I know how that may sound to some but the truth is, when it was said, it made perfect sense to me.
It is never easy watching your friends go through pain and sadness. Especially at the hands of someone who should be taking great care of their heart. My readers know I pride myself on rules because I simply can’t get with that “On a wing and a prayer” way of dealing with things so I trouble myself with the “Death By Planning” life! Listen………I know planning at times is laughable, but you at least have to attempt to have some sort of order. So that means when dealing with a best friend that is troubled with heart matters……..you better have a plan in place! Why may be a question you ask? Simple Answer: For your well-being and his safety. TRUTH! A few simple rules to follow so you don't end up on the wrong side of your friend's frustration while you support them through their tumultuous and turbulent relationship isn’t completely well defined but what I’m sharing with you now is a good place to start.
When you wrong someone you probably start to think about it after you either don’t get what you want or you grow up and realize that you did something incorrectly. Once you get to that place, you start processing to be better, praying about it for forgiveness and reaching out to the people you wronged to apologize. At that point you are likely feeling you need to do that in order to clear your conscious so that you can move forward in life without home girl Karma hanging over your head in future endeavors.
Everyone knows that I love steady streams of information. I don’t care where I’m getting it from, I just want to always be in a place where I’m receiving something. Most of the time it sparks things in me that make me want to write. Simply because there isn’t a sound bite that could express the way I feel about what I’ve heard or seen. It just wouldn’t do justice to the thoughts!