Embedded In The Fabric

I was thinking just the other day how much who I am and how I deal with people is shaped by the relationship I had with my father.  The holidays have been different since he passed two years ago and whenever I go home his death is more real to me.  Almost like I truly have to confront it because I’m where he lived his life. Lots of people back home can tell stories about who he was and how he helped them or touched their lives and I’m no different.  But all of my stories aren’t positive ones and that reflection……………realization…………..it got me thinking the other day just how all those countless stories I can tell about Robert really defined how I deal with men.

Embedded In The Fabric

Delivering The Message

I think there comes a time in every relationship where communication is challenged.  You will certainly almost always reach an impasse that creates a consideration amount of contention.  What I find for myself is that it often leads down the road of resentment and regret.  This begs the following question: How do you avoid this point in order to avoid this conflict all together?  How do you save yourself from the headache that comes from this fork in the road that is always inevitable to reach?

Delivering The Message

The Authenticity of Love

So I'm on Facebook and I see a video of Steph Curry and his wife talking about their relationship. Cute clips of different things they've said or moments that were captured between them by others around them. Someone posted it and put the caption "seems genuine" under the post. I laughed because if that's nothing else, that's the first sign of someone who is jealous because they don't have it. Critiquing someone else's love because they don't know love like it or haven't held out to know it. Go figure.

The Authenticity of Love

The Type Of Friend They Need

I have quite a few girlfriends but only a handful of them I truly consider close sister friends. Someone I'd do anything for or with. These are the few I'd go to the ends of the earth for without question, logic or reason! All they have to do is say pack a bag we've got to go. When they are experiencing things in life it almost feels that we are one. I'm experiencing it with them on a level that is as emotional as if it were me myself. That's how deep the connection that I have to this particular group runs. The ups and downs, the highs and lows, the successes and failures, I experience it with them and for years it has been that way.

The Type Of Friend They Need

Conceding In Love

I have made some huge…………no………….GIGANTIC sacrifices for love a time or two.  However, even though I made them, there was one thing or another that just proved those sacrifices weren’t needed, appreciated or necessary and I needed to move on.  In the midst of it though I didn’t see or care that I wasn’t making the best decisions for myself because in love, I am selfless, giving and accommodating………..sometimes to a fault.  If we are all honest with ourselves, we are admitting the same thing.  Even when we knew the square peg didn’t fit into the round hole in a way that enhanced our lives, we continued to maneuver around that fact to make it work regardless. When we do that, we are simply diminishing our own worth and showing the other person that we don’t feel deserving of someone we don’t have to force-fit into our ideal.

Conceding In Love

Self Care: Preserving The Beauty Within

It saddens me deeply to watch anyone I care about be mistreated.  As a friend or loved one, at times we have to stand by and allow it to happen.  Many times, the individual that is involved in the situation is accepting the circumstances that they have been subjected to.  It doesn’t matter what we say or how we say it either. They have to make the CHOICE to move forward in their lives even if we can give them clear and concise examples as to why that’s the smartest option.  Some people want to stand and fight.  Some people don’t want to give up.  Some people aren’t capable of accepting defeat.  In those moments they don’t realize just how greatly they are being transformed as a person……………..never to be the same again……………….for better or for worse.

Self Care: Preserving The Beauty Within

To The Bitter End

I have come to learn throughout my years of dating that relationships end all the time and there is nothing wrong with that.  Every person that you encounter is not meant to be in your life for a lifetime but they are definitely there to teach you something valuable about who you are and what you are capable of.  If you are doing your part, you are picking up the lessons that come with each relationship and you are becoming a better person for yourself and your next one.  The key to this is not being bitter and creating an unbearable situation that doesn’t allow you to move forward in peace. 

To The Bitter End

Black Love: Loyalty Lies With Who?

Some of the best questions stem from life experiences or just really good conversations that take place between girlfriends!  Communicating with others really allows you to see things from different perspectives and that is why I love talking to my circle of friends about things we question.  The other day we were talking about a variety of things and we ended up on the subject of relationships.  We spoke about the Black race in general being diluted (multiple layers to this whole concept and idea).  I know how that may sound to some but the truth is, when it was said, it made perfect sense to me. 

Black Love: Loyalty Lies With Who?

Supporting Friends Through Heart Matters

It is never easy watching your friends go through pain and sadness. Especially at the hands of someone who should be taking great care of their heart. My readers know I pride myself on rules because I simply can’t get with that “On a wing and a prayer” way of dealing with things so I trouble myself with the “Death By Planning” life!  Listen………I know planning at times is laughable, but you at least have to attempt to have some sort of order.  So that means when dealing with a best friend that is troubled with heart matters……..you better have a plan in place!  Why may be a question you ask?  Simple Answer: For your well-being and his safety.  TRUTH!  A few simple rules to follow so you don't end up on the wrong side of your friend's frustration while you support them through their tumultuous and turbulent relationship isn’t completely well defined but what I’m sharing with you now is a good place to start.

Supporting Friends Through Heart Matters

Apologies: Who Are They Really For?

When you wrong someone you probably start to think about it after you either don’t get what you want or you grow up and realize that you did something incorrectly.  Once you get to that place, you start processing to be better, praying about it for forgiveness and reaching out to the people you wronged to apologize.  At that point you are likely feeling you need to do that in order to clear your conscious so that you can move forward in life without home girl Karma hanging over your head in future endeavors.

Apologies: Who Are They Really For?

Living Single In A World Full Of Pairs

Everyone knows that I love steady streams of information. I don’t care where I’m getting it from, I just want to always be in a place where I’m receiving something. Most of the time it sparks things in me that make me want to write. Simply because there isn’t a sound bite that could express the way I feel about what I’ve heard or seen. It just wouldn’t do justice to the thoughts!

Living Single In A World Full Of Pairs

Cheating: Everyone Isn't Doing It.

As I began to pack up the laptop and started to prepare for my long week ahead, my girlfriend tagged me in a post on FB and I had to stop what I was doing and begin to write. 

The post was basically saying that a woman is stupid for leaving a man who cheats on her because it’s better to stay with him and let him cheat twenty times then to move on to someone else who is just going to cheat anyway.  Implying that all men cheat no matter what the situation is.  As I sat shaking my head in disbelief at what people truly think, I knew I had to have a response for it.  There was no way around it.

Cheating: Everyone Isn't Doing It.

Friendship: The Ebbs and Flows

I probably should do a series on friendship because if I had to think of anything I do everyday, it’d be interact in some form with one or more of my very best friends. Over the years the meaning of friendship has taken on different definitions with me and they weren’t always giving and selfless. At times they were very selfish and possessive if that makes sense. At 34 I’m still growing with and for these relationships that have meant so much to me and every lesson isn’t always a good lesson.

Friendship: The Ebbs and Flows

The Significance of Friendships: How Important Are They?

Let me just start by saying I completely missed the blog over the last three days.  I took a small break because I was due for it!  But in all seriousness when you love something it never feels like work.  The whole time I was taking this break I was pulling inspiration from every source imaginable!  That’s what you do when you blog.  Everything is up for discussion!

The Significance of Friendships: How Important Are They?

How To Break Up For Nine Months

When you meet him he’s everything.  He’s tall and handsome and sweet.  You start spending a lot of time with him and before you know it you’re in love!  Every trip you take seems more fun.  Every movie you watch is better than the first time.  Every dinner and glass of wine are more pleasurable.   It’s the best feeling in the world and the best place in the world to be.  The normal ups and downs come until most days are downs.  All the signs begin to point to incompatibility and begin to interfere with the progress of the relationship. You know, the kind of unresolved differences that make resolution seem virtually impossible?…………….and then it happens!  The dreaded break-up! 

How To Break Up For Nine Months

Exes: Why Do They Resurface?

Dating can be painful.  In many ways.  You meet someone and they appear to meet all your expectations.  You get caught up and all of a sudden you are in a relationship.  Things are okay barring the ups and downs that come with relationships………….and most of the time you recover.  Until one day you don’t.  You begin to dislike each other and decide to go your separate ways.  Then that person becomes………..YOUR EX.

Exes: Why Do They Resurface?

How Do We Handle Gift Giving?

When you meet him, you fall for him quickly.  Yáll are spending every moment together and before you know it, a holiday approaches and it is time to give a gift.  You know what he likes because his last eight mall trips you were there.  But you notice that his taste is expensive.  He only wants the best that money can buy.........but yáll only have been dating for three months.  How do you handle it?

How Do We Handle Gift Giving?

Yes Black Women Can Get Along

We always hear the old adage that black women don’t get along or that we aren’t supportive of one another and we are always jealous or trying to pull one another down.  I can’t say that I haven’t seen it on a number of occasions or been the person that caught a bad vibe when someone walked in and decided I didn’t particularly care for her (AND been the victim a million times).  I feel safe in saying we probably all have had that same problem a time or two in our lives.  And I think it’s okay as long as it doesn’t become a habit because it’s human.  You just don’t want to make a habit out of looking down on anyone, especially someone you don’t even know.

Yes Black Women Can Get Along

Friendship: When You Reconnect

I have had several friendships end for a multitude of reasons and they weren’t all because of the other individual.  I’m pretty set in my ways with my friends to be honest and when I feel a certain way about something I automatically feel that they should as well (The Lord is still working on me so don’t judge me!!!)  That has caused a lot of conflict.  Being such a strong minded person, I attract strong minded people.  We get into strong confrontation and that leads to strong debates and fall outs! Lol  I love them though because it challenges me to be better for the sake of saving what means so much to me.

Friendship: When You Reconnect

In The Blink Of An Eye

Being surround by people who care for you whether they are family or friends, is a priceless experience that we all often take for granted.  Sometimes we forget that in that moment we are sharing with them, we may never experience it again.  A concert, a road trip, a dinner, a glass of wine, a phone call.  It doesn’t matter what it is, those are priceless moments that you share that you should cherish.  It’s funny because for me, I experience things with my family and friends all the time that mean the world to me.  We laugh and live in the moment and we look at one another and say, let’s plan for this again next year.  We never realize that next year may never come.

Relationships: What It Takes

Being Undervalued, Under Estimated and Marginalized is something that as individuals, many of us experience. I would even suggest that it’s mostly us women! Lol I’m sorry fellas but this is just not about you right now! We do everything, we give everything, we provide everything, we sacrifice everything and there are just some people in life who overlook those things and take you for granted even in the midst of all you do. I think it’s a true sign of maturity and a true sign that they aren’t willing to make the necessary sacrifices on their side.

Relationships: What It Takes

Reading An Open Letter

Opening up your life and your heart to another person is easier for some than it is for others, but we all have been there a time or two.  That’s because whether we admit it or not, everyone wants that “love you to the moon and back” type of feeling for another human being.  Any time we refuse that to be so, it’s because we’ve been hurt before and we don’t want to be hurt again.  Our guard is up and we are like not just no or absolutely no……………………but HELL NAW!!!!  Not going down that road again for anyone or anything.  Jesus himself would have to place the call and say, “It’s okay.  You can jump.  You won’t hurt yourself”.  That’s not a joke either.  I’m very serious.

Reading An Open Letter

Relationships: What You Build On

My walk is not strong. Not nearly as strong as it should be. Not coming from my background, being blessed like I have and going through all I've been through. Still being blessed in the end. So I cannot be a hypocrite here. I have a man who is not as saved as I think he should be or at a point in his life where he continues to grow in his faith the way he should. I can never reprimand him because I'm not as together in my walk as I should be either. However, I realize the importance of having a strong foundation in God and an understanding that your relationship doesn't work out if you don't have that solid platform. I'm like most of you, never pushed it because I figured, I was getting me together and he'd get there on his own. Not the right mindset to have.

If They Are True Friends.......They Push You

It’s so funny the lessons we learn in life and how we learn them. You can never dictate how they will come or who they come through but they come! I had a conversation with two very close people to me today and it’s so weird just how significant people become in your life as you grow and develop. If you live and keep living, you pray God blesses you with the kinds of friendships I’ve been blessed to have. No matter what y’all go through or how hard things may seem, y’all get through it.

If They Are True Friends.......They Push You