Some of the best questions stem from life experiences or just really good conversations that take place between girlfriends! Communicating with others really allows you to see things from different perspectives and that is why I love talking to my circle of friends about things we question. The other day we were talking about a variety of things and we ended up on the subject of relationships. We spoke about the Black race in general being diluted (multiple layers to this whole concept and idea). I know how that may sound to some but the truth is, when it was said, it made perfect sense to me. The denigration of the Black family has been transpiring since slavery. The family wasn’t considered a family by others and being sold off from your loved ones began that shift in how we too see our family structure. But even with issue having been embedded in our culture for so long, I think it can now be attributed to a changing world and the fact that Blacks are now able to freely and openly love whoever they want to love.
The new found social acceptance of interracial relationships (and there is a fine line there in this country) has everyone dating and building families with whomever they want. I can admit that I had an issue with this at one time as a Black Woman but I’m over it. Love should have no color, religious background or ethnicity. However, I’ve noticed just how “faithful” Black Women tend to be when it pertains to preserving the Black Family as a whole. We seem to stick a little closer to our men and are determined to have one by our side for life’s long journey. It’s who we want to be madly in love with when that time comes. As we continued to discuss it, it made me ask the question: Why do Black Women have more loyalty to their race than Black Men?
Now some will be in an uproar because they don’t agree but I would like everyone to take a stroll through a mall, a park, a grocery store, a bar, social media……………WHEREVER really. Tell me what you see Black Men looking at, being attracted to, chasing after, idolizing. I can guarantee that more often than not you will see it’s not the Black Woman. But whoever it is, she has the features of this very being. As I’ve said in previous blogs where I talk about the value of Black Beauties, we are only beautiful in the eyes of others when they see what we have elsewhere. Apparently, we don’t make our own God given features more beautiful in the eyes of the world than others do……………especially our men. This can truly cut into the self-esteem of any woman because the person she wants to see herself with is looking completely through her…………..but she still manages to desire that Black Man. Still manages to long for what it is that he provides. That’s how we are as Black Women. There is a desire for Black Love……..the beauty and strength of it……what it represents…………the unity and fullness of it.
Without delving too deep into appropriation as I have in the past, it does explain a lot of the reasons why Black Love can be overlooked. They aren’t necessarily looking at us for what we offer. They are looking at others for what we offer and expecting them to offer it in the manner in which only WE can. Again, I’m not opposed to interracial couples but I have never been the biggest fan of the excuses some men use to be involved in them. We are scapegoated to make it feel better to leave all these beautiful Black Women out here alone. As if somehow it is our fault for being that way. Having to instill core values into our children alone and having very little examples in the world of what Black Love really looks like.
So why do we hold them in such high esteem? Why do we stay so close to them………..love them, cherish them, respect them, desire them, hold them down? Why are we doing that when they aren’t doing it for us? And tell me how do we continue to uplift Black Love when we are the only ones who seem to see the power in it? I know it’s not all Black Men so don’t feel I’m generalizing. But in this day in age……………..2016……………..it’s a whole hell of a lot of y’all out there who have this same mindset. As we see you settle down with everyone but the one who truly GETS you. I know that there are a lot of people out there who don’t agree with my logic and may not feel as passionate about Black Love as I do. But there is a richness in our family unit that makes the world love the fact that we don’t honor it. That way we don’t exist on the frequency that the love between us takes us to. I wonder how many of you have ever truly considered that (a blog for another day).
Until Next Time Lovies!