Conceding In Love

I have made some huge…………no………….GIGANTIC sacrifices for love a time or two.  However, even though I made them, there was one thing or another that just proved those sacrifices weren’t needed, appreciated or necessary and I needed to move on.  In the midst of it though I didn’t see or care that I wasn’t making the best decisions for myself because in love, I am selfless, giving and accommodating………..sometimes to a fault.  If we are all honest with ourselves, we are admitting the same thing.  Even when we knew the square peg didn’t fit into the round hole in a way that enhanced our lives, we continued to maneuver around that fact to make it work regardless. When we do that, we are simply diminishing our own worth and showing the other person that we don’t feel deserving of someone we don’t have to force-fit into our ideal.

These last few weeks have been a bit trying for me.  Not because of a relationship that I struggle with but because of a relationship I have been watching someone else struggle through.  It sparked my interest on why we as women are so loving and accommodating to a point where we are caused pain and agony beyond anything we have proven deserving of (and yes I realize some men are as well).  Agony that could be avoided if we just simply admitted it didn’t work and allowed ourselves to be open to something else that would.  Some of us are so busy seeing the potential in someone that we don’t admit how insignificant that potential is if the person with it doesn’t realize they have it……………….or want to live up to it.  What is potential anyway?  For me, it’s something that could be but may not come to be if the proper things aren’t executed to get to the other side of it.  To bring it to fruition.  I know it’s easier to see it from the outside but before entering in, we’ve got to be clear with ourselves that potential doesn’t matter if the person with it doesn’t make a move towards it.  It seems difficult when your heart is invested but it’s much simpler than we make it.  The older I get the less patience I have for putting myself behind anyone who isn’t putting themselves behind for me.  As I observe others while reflecting on my own choices, I realize that it’s okay to make the ME choice because it’s healthy and not selfish.

In these often forced relationships we get so excited when we see glimpses of hope.  Hope that that person is taking the steps towards the place that makes us both happy.  (That’s that breadcrumb trail to what you hope is realized potential but really a smokescreen for disappointment)  Every little thing they do makes you feel like “almost there” or “we are getting closer” when in actuality you are just fooling yourself into believing that.  It leads you down the path of staying some place unbeneficial and believing it is actually good for you!  How amazing is that?  Psyching yourself up in your mind that you are truly making the right choice and making concessions on the things that really matter the most to you.  How dare you!  How dare you care less about you and what you desire than you care about what someone else wants that is bringing NO value to where you are in your life at that very moment.  And if you are having yet another honest moment with yourself, you’ll realize that even when you say you won’t do it again, you get right back into another relationship that looks familiar……………..and your behavior is familiar.

While you give up on everything you want and give in to everything they want, you experience some regret, some resentment and a ton of pain.  It’s a pain because you aren’t participating in a “natural” relationship.  It is true that relationships and love require sacrifice and giving but that sacrifice and giving must go both ways.  It must be clear that your significant other is ensuring your happiness just as you are ensuring theirs and that they aren’t making you uncomfortable to accommodate something foolish and unreasonable because they are selfish, self-centered and spoiled.  All of us need to learn to articulate the needs and concerns we have and put on our walking shoes if those needs aren’t met with care, concern and understanding.  Someone who truly loves you and fits into your life appropriately will do what it takes by any means to ensure the success of your relationship.

The bottom line is, love should not put you in a place of pain and discontent.  You should not constantly have to talk yourself in to staying and holding on to any morsel of hope that things will change because there is a good day here or there.  Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying.  You shouldn’t so easily give up on your love but you must be careful that you aren’t the only one fighting, giving, conceding, sacrificing, committing, understanding, growing and learning.  When things are one sided and your heart aches, it’s time to choose yourself.  It’s time to take that walk.  It’s time to say goodbye.  We’ve got to be okay with goodbye because life is too short to sit in any place where our needs aren’t met properly.  We waste so much time like that because our thoughts stray to the time we’ve invested or we love the other person beyond comprehensible love.  But no matter what you’ve invested, you WILL get everything you lost in something better. TEN TIMES OVER!  That just simply means pay attention to the signs and stop letting red flags fly pass as if they aren’t important.  See them, acknowledge them, deal with them and clear your path to embrace the new that is coming your way

Until Next Time Lovies!

Miss B

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