Exes: Why Do They Resurface?

Dating can be painful.  In many ways.  You meet someone and they appear to meet all your expectations.  You get caught up and all of a sudden you are in a relationship.  Things are okay barring the ups and downs that come with relationships………….and most of the time you recover.  Until one day you don’t.  You begin to dislike each other and decide to go your separate ways.  Then that person becomes………..YOUR EX.

Now Exes become Exes for a variety of reasons.  But when those reasons are not really realistic or rational on the one or both sides of the house, they go away and then they do something else………..they come back.  I’ve been asking myself the question of why for a minute now because as of late, I’ve had a serious case of the Exes!!!

This is my thing…….why the calls or emails or texts?  Clear choices were made to get the relationship to a point of ending if I’m not mistaken.  Those choices said that it was clear no further investment was needed for whatever those reasons where and that it was destined to end once discovered.  No matter how much I may or may not have agreed (or been relieved) the Ex status box was checked in red marker.  It was a choice.  The Ex Contract states: I (Insert Name Here) want to be an Ex of this person as of now.  I relinquish all responsibility to said person and am deciding to allow someone else into their lives and mines.  Signed!  Delivered!  Period!

I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day and she said, girl they always come back.  It’s funny because my Mother, Aunt and other friends have said the same.  I know sometimes you get involved with people and the timing is wrong.  Either you aren’t fully ready or they aren’t or life starts happening and things don’t necessarily hold up during that time period.  I understand all of that, but in some situations their actions scream loud and clear that there is no reason to consider re-connection.  Certain things just don’t warrant second changes.  So what makes people think they should be able to “check in” on your status?

Most of my ended relationships have either lead to genuine friendships or men who feel the need to do a pulse check periodically because they realized their behavior could never lead to a friendship but they want to try me!  When those individuals try contacting again I start to wonder if they either started going through their mental Rolodex and decided that I treated them so well they need to see if I’m single, realized they messed it up and need to check and see if I’m still too irritated to accept the contact, or they’re so lonely they’re playing Russian roulette with the little black book.  I would love to have an explanation that made sense at all.  I accept that I won’t get one.

What is most important out of all of this is how we respond to it.  People definitely do what we allow and I’m a firm believer of that.  If we keep answering, they will keep connecting.  That’s the truth.  And we often need to ask ourselves do we want the connection, do we need the connection and what benefit to us is it if we do say yes?  Everyone sniffing around your door isn’t sniffing because they truly want you in the way you want to be wanted.  There is no need to truly rehash an entire relationship just to answer a call, text or email, but it’s important to know what you want to invite in your life and what you don’t.  Why is that person an Ex?  Sometimes people do go away and come back and it’s perfect for you but there are many times when you know that contact leads down a long curvy road to nowhere.  You have to make the call best for you or you will ALWAYS have a terrible Case Of The Exes!!!

Until Next Time Lovies!
Miss B

 

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