Friendship: The Ebbs and Flows

I probably should do a series on friendship because if I had to think of anything I do everyday, it’d be interact in some form with one or more of my very best friends. Over the years the meaning of friendship has taken on different definitions with me and they weren’t always giving and selfless. At times they were very selfish and possessive if that makes sense. At 34 I’m still growing with and for these relationships that have meant so much to me and every lesson isn’t always a good lesson.

Everyone probably has a different meaning of the word friend. There are certain expectations that we often have of someone we call that. Some of my top picks…….

  • Honest
  • Loyal
  • Open
  • Loving
  • Receptive to Criticism
  • Never afraid to give me criticism.
  • Understanding when I’m not at my best
  • Overjoyed when I’m at my best
  • Uplifting and always praying

I know it’s a pretty long list but honestly, if you are a genuinely good person that has the best interest of your friends at heart, it’s easy for me to check those things off of my list and more.  These actions are being performed without a thought by both parties because it’s “normal”.  You care enough that it’s automatic.  You are coasting on auto pilot until something comes along to test the limits.

There is no relationship that you will ever have that will go untested.  Not one.  Your children, your family, your friends, your co-workers……………people you hardly know.  It’s life.  We are all different and since we are, at times we are going to approach a cross roads where we don’t agree and someone is taking a different direction.  I’ve been there a thousand times and there now with a friend.  What your relationship with that person is really made of is revealed in times like these.

So we’ve been discussing how many times we call or text or visit with one another and I can say for myself that I’m not good at that right now.  With some of the life challenges I have been facing as of late, I don’t necessarily always have the energy to be the best friend I can be.  And it’s not because I don’t want to.  Sometimes, the little energy I do have is exhausted in the things I have no choice but to do.  Anything extra is a benefit of life I don’t always have.  Does that mean you aren’t a good friend or that you don’t care or that if something major is happening in life you won’t be there?  That is not what it means.  It means that sometimes life is giving you enough that you aren’t 100%...........or even 80%  But a real friend knows thatno matter what you are giving in that moment, you’ll give them whatever they need if something is going on that requires it.

In an ideal world I’d see and talk to my friends much more than I do.  But that’s in an ideal world.  And what I’m learning about the world is that it wouldn’t be the world if things were scripted and exactly the way we wanted them to be.  Individually, we are rolling with the punches and hoping we are getting it right along the way.  Last year I may have been all in!  Calling, texting, shopping with, eating out with, hanging out at your house regularly.  This year I might be different.  That is okay.  No love lost.  Ebbs and Flows………….Ebbs and Flows.

We have to be understanding of where each other exists in life.  Sometimes you are less and sometimes you are more.  No matter where you are, it shouldn’t dictate adjustments in those friendships and what they may or may not mean to each person involved.  I love my friends.  That’s one thing for sure.  I always say in every blog when I speak of them that they are more like sisters.  We’ve had ups and downs that have made them want to walk away and vice-verse.  But the love remained because we are sisters.  Every day isn’t always good but every day knowing that I have them is worth whatever we endure…………..because we recover.  When you have those types of friends you are blessed and fortunate because they are hard to find.  So cherish them.

Lesson:

  • Some days 50%
  • Some days 20%
  • Some days 95%

Life has a way of changing your level of involvement with the ones you care for the most.  It doesn’t mean you don’t care and if you have good relationships, once discussed, things will work themselves out.  If not, you need to evaluate that relationships and make some different choices.
 
Until Next Time Lovies!
Miss B

 

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