When you meet him he’s everything. He’s tall and handsome and sweet. You start spending a lot of time with him and before you know it you’re in love! Every trip you take seems more fun. Every movie you watch is better than the first time. Every dinner and glass of wine are more pleasurable. It’s the best feeling in the world and the best place in the world to be. The normal ups and downs come until most days are downs. All the signs begin to point to incompatibility and begin to interfere with the progress of the relationship. You know, the kind of unresolved differences that make resolution seem virtually impossible?…………….and then it happens! The dreaded break-up!
After a breakup we tend to hold on at times in hopes of a reconnection. Hoping that at the very least, someone will have a startling epiphany saying………NO! WAIT!! THAT’S THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!! GO BACK! MAKE IT WORK. It turns from a break up period to a reconnection period that can go on for weeks. Those weeks turn in to months.
The first month is hard because you are reminiscing about the past. You miss his face and the sound of his voice. You miss the fun you had and the time you spent. The good times seem grand as you reflect on the past. You spend a lot of time hanging out doing things you did when you were single to get over the feeling of being NOT single. You rally all your girlfriends for consistent girl’s nights out. You look at all your old photos while you sit with your glass of wine and remember the “good old days.”
The second month you are feeling a little better and getting back into the groove of life. Until one day you look down at your phone and see “His” name. Uh oh………the reconnection period is about to begin……….The texts and calls begin again. You agree to a date. Then others begin to follow. That promise you made last year to his mother to attend the family reunion was able to be kept. You are feeling more and more like your hopes of recovery are being realized. This upswing continues to grow your feelings that things are returning to normal. You are now forgetting why you broke up in the first place. It seems quite silly in the moment.
The third and fourth months you think you are in full swing. He stops by for the night. You pour the chilled wine and watch movies like old times. But something is just a little different. It’s late but his phone is vibrating in his pocket and the call is going unanswered. Hmmmmm, you begin to wonder what that’s about. In creeps suspicion.
Month five is a challenge. Now you are unraveling just a bit because in creeps the dreaded insecurity that he just may not be totally committed to a full reconnection. You are questioning yourself and him. You are questioning the situation. Who was calling and why? The wedge is beginning to form.
Month six into seven is making you feel like you are making a mistake that you likely knew was a mistake when you decided to make it. The date you planned for you two to hang out with friends has been cancelled. You’ve been stood up. You start trying to determine now if he is seeing the person who called. Whoever that was. You are thinking it’s some overly gorgeous girl that liked his picture on social media. Yeah………had to be her because she liked two of his eighteen pictures the week before. You throw some accusations and the arguments ensue. The wedge widens.
When you look up eight months have passed since you realized that the relationship wasn’t working out, decided to end it but then decided to keep it going. Holding on to the love you once felt for that person you love. Keeping hope alive! Fighting for that second chance to get it right. As the small things that you used to disagree about begin to surface again you begin to doubt our mistake to hold on this long. Reality kicks in that it might not be smart and you begin having “leave it alone” discussions.
The day you hit your ninth month mark, you realize there is no hope. You’ve washed your hands and finally decided to block his number. You regain your sanity and this time around it’s better. You realize that you deserve better than what you’ve been getting and you let it go.
This scenario is one that many are familiar with because are all guilty of holding on to someone or something that we have known for so long we should have gotten past or rid of. The truth is, when you desire love and have experienced it, sometimes it's hard to accept that it isn't for you........at least not that particular situation. But you are not wrong for that. It just will take you a little longer to process through it and move forward with your life for the next thing that is for you. Just know that you are entitled to your process. Just don't stay in that space so long you miss your actual blessing.
Despite some setbacks and some withdrawals from the greater memories of what was, you push forward to the plan ahead. To Live Life Loudly for yourself as a single woman until the right person comes along to treat you the way you deserve!
Until Next Time Lovies!
This was written for Mode Media so go to their site to check out my visual blog! http://www.mode.com/stories/how-to-break-up-in-nine-months/12296975