Everyone knows that I love steady streams of information. I don’t care where I’m getting it from, I just want to always be in a place where I’m receiving something. Most of the time it sparks things in me that make me want to write. Simply because there isn’t a sound bite that could express the way I feel about what I’ve heard or seen. It just wouldn’t do justice to the thoughts!
Anyway, I was listening to The Friend Zone podcast yesterday and Mr Dustin………………bless his heart………..he was answering a letter that a listener sent in asking about breaking up with her boyfriend. She knew it was time but was holding on with excuses why. It’s funny because when we are in relationships for so long, even when we know they are no good for us, it’s hard for so many reasons to walk away from them. Trust me………..I know. We typically sit in it providing all types of justification as to why we should stick around when in reality we know that we should leave. The whole crew told her to just end it because she is making it harder on herself by prolonging it and then Mr Dustin says……………..BEING SINGLE IS SO LIT! It’s about to be summer and you can do what you want, not have to answer to anyone, not care about what he’s doing, he not care what you’re doing, so on and so on and so on!
If you've ever met Cupid in your life, you've been stung by the arrow of love. It's a beautiful feeling to have someone special in your life and most of us who have experienced it do desire it when it's not present. Because love is highly desired by most, at times being single can dampen the spirit and make it hard to move through life with the same ease as when there is romantic involvement happening. At this point, you start to view single life as a problem and feel that life is ending until once again, you are in the throws of love. It creates the perception that it's impossible to function and something is personally wrong causing this sudden period of single living.
I'm a super sappy lovey dovey person so I have too found myself occupying a space like this. I'm like, how can I be by myself with all this love I have to give? I'm great and cute and smart and funny!!.........I think I'm pretty freaking dope! (you MUST toot your own horn)..............So I completely understand the feelings that come along with SINGLE-World after RELATIONSHIP-World. The roller coaster you ride emotionally can be difficult to adjust to. There is sadness and disappointment in situations that didn't work out well and there is also reflection of yourself and things you may or may not have done to cause the separation. You allow feelings to penetrate your thoughts regarding salvaging these relationships, even when you know they should have ended, just to spare your loneliness. That says a lot about how we perceive relationships and the time we owe ourselves in singleness.
My Single Outlook Thought.....
We spend so much time believing that we should be in relationships that we don’t necessarily value the space we occupy when we are single and committed only to ourselves. I started to wonder why that was because in reality, being single has some benefits that people often overlook. Largely because we live in a time that is over saturated with weddings and babies and lots of RELATIONSHIP TALK. Don’t get me wrong, I desire to have that someone that I can come home to and share all my ups and downs with, enjoy all the highs and lows with, have a blast and live life with……………but life isn’t void of purpose and meaning if that isn’t the space that you currently occupy.
So what does it mean to you to be single?
Being single is a time in one’s life where they truly get to learn what they want from themselves and from others. The world makes us feel like being single is a curse when in all honesty it allows us to connect with ourselves. People spend so much time making it appear as a bad thing that I think we all feel like it is! Especially when we are the one at the party with no date. Yeah it’s a huge change when you go from being attached to unattached, but it’s a process that we should all appreciate when we are going through it. I also think it’s a time where we can evaluate past mistakes and make sound decisions on what we will and won’t accept for ourselves moving forward. How can you not value that moment in life where you are looking out for and protecting yourself? Only when I wasn't in a relationship anymore did I realize how much it consumed me and how much I put myself on the back burner for the greater good of my situation. Even though there is some give, take and sacrifice in your partnership, there are limitations you have to set with how much so you don't lose yourself in the process.
If you are not sure of you, how can you really be sure of what you want?
Life is cyclical and that’s one of the truest statements you will ever hear. We are human so we will make mistakes. The key to them is learning from them so we don’t repeat them. Being in the “Single Space” allows us to truly evaluate so we don't keep making the same errors. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dated the same EXACT man with a different face. Because I never truly took the time to occupy my own space as a single woman. I’ve been single only a handful of times for brief moments in time and it really did do me a huge disservice. Not only was I going around and around with men, I was going around and around with myself. That made my baggage heavier and heavier each and every time I pretended I was moving on.
That’s when you start drifting from partner to partner unfulfilled. What does that benefit you? What do you gain and learn? You just keep having meaningless relationships that result in emptiness and loneliness………….because you are not truly of the realization that you have to have a level of comfort in your solitude that makes you whole and complete. That way, when that special someone comes, you’re completely ready and they don't look like or resemble the things of your past that were not right for you.
So all of that to say........ though I initially felt some kind of way when Dustin said what he said in the way he said it (because I personally felt like he was glorifying single life and not being an advocate for great relationships which is a completely different blog for another day) his surface level opinion was correct. Certain stages in life provide us time to be separated so that we can be elevated and grow as individuals and that is what being alone is for. I’m not saying that you can’t grow in a relationship if you come across one that works for you and you are moving forward with someone in your life. But what I am saying is that we should never underestimate the power of single life. We should take full advantage of it when it comes to us so that we are even better when our single moment has expired.
Your Take Away: Embrace the time to become a better you! You'll thank yourself for it and your partner will too!
Until Next Time Lovies!