It saddens me deeply to watch anyone I care about be mistreated. As a friend or loved one, at times we have to stand by and allow it to happen. Many times, the individual that is involved in the situation is accepting the circumstances that they have been subjected to. It doesn’t matter what we say or how we say it either. They have to make the CHOICE to move forward in their lives even if we can give them clear and concise examples as to why that’s the smartest option. Some people want to stand and fight. Some people don’t want to give up. Some people aren’t capable of accepting defeat. In those moments they don’t realize just how greatly they are being transformed as a person……………..never to be the same again……………….for better or for worse.
- Why do we choose to suffer?
- Why do we choose the path with the most resistance?
- Why don’t we walk away from something that is so troubling we are losing weight, sleep and peace of mind?
- Why do we fight so hard for something that is stealing the beauty from within us?
- Is there even an easy answer to any of those questions?
I was speaking to a friend today and I became overwhelmed by my emotions during the conversation. Her situation often times appears to be a useless fight and as I thought about it more, I was able to apply that same analysis to a few of the things I have encountered in my own life. How guilty we all have been of battling against someone else’s demons. Allowing someone we love to drag us emotionally through their process. If someone in your life is combatting an internal struggle, no matter what you are giving them, they will not be receptive until they are ready. They can’t because the internal conflict that they are experiencing is something that only they can deal with. They have to personally sort through it all until they arrive at a resolution that sets them free from whatever is holding them hostage. Our problem as outsiders is that we want to interfere in that internal conflict because we want to help. Standing on the outside we see more clearly so it makes sense to push ideals and perceptions on to them. However, the old saying rings true: You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. You cannot make someone resolve a situation based on your proposed solution. If they don’t come on their own it will never be successful. Forcing them often damages your relationship and leaves you standing there wondering what you did wrong. Blaming yourself without just cause.
I have been guilty of fighting for people. With family members, in intimate relationships, with friends, at work……….. You name it. Wanting with all my heart for them to see things the way that I did. Wanting them to know as much as I felt I knew based on my past experiences. Loving them so much that I wanted to be the one to ease the pain and turmoil that they were experiencing internally so they could be healed. But every single time I attempted to help them it was destroying me. Every single time I attempted to intervene I was allowing my beauty to be tainted. I was changing. I was turning in to someone that I didn’t recognize because I was forcing them to accept my truth for them instead of realizing that they hadn’t come to that place yet on their own. The years it has taken me to really realize how wasteful and hurtful it was for me and just how deep those changes that have taken place within me run. How the pieces that were shattered inside of me were only being picked up and repaired by me……… cracked in more places due to someone else’s pain. Not by the person who inflicted the pain during my attempt to help them glue their broken pieces back together.
Where does that leave us? It’s not about walking away from everyone who needs us and refusing to be of any help to them. It’s about identifying and understanding that when it is tearing you apart and changing the core of who you are as a person, it’s time to walk away from it. It is time to accept that it must be let go. Some people fear the letting go process because they don’t want to lose the person they are letting go of. But if that person is destroying you, you are losing them and they are losing you. Regardless, others’ issues aren’t always our crosses to bear and we must be mindful of that fact. Pile on to your plate only what is meant for you and I’m a firm believer that we know when it is and when it isn’t. Everything that is a blessing for you and you alone will be your blessing whether you receive it when you feel it’s time or you receive in the time that your Creator has decided for you. If it's not your blessing, it was a valuable lesson learned for you to move forward in your life with and useful in your journey of becoming a better you.
Self-Care is so important so never let anyone steal the beauty that lies within you.
Until Next Time Lovies!