It is never easy watching your friends go through pain and sadness. Especially at the hands of someone who should be taking great care of their heart. My readers know I pride myself on rules because I simply can’t get with that “On a wing and a prayer” way of dealing with things so I trouble myself with the “Death By Planning” life! Listen………I know planning at times is laughable, but you at least have to attempt to have some sort of order. So that means when dealing with a best friend that is troubled with heart matters……..you better have a plan in place! Why may be a question you ask? Simple Answer: For your well-being and his safety. TRUTH! A few simple rules to follow so you don't end up on the wrong side of your friend's frustration while you support them through their tumultuous and turbulent relationship isn’t completely well defined but what I’m sharing with you now is a good place to start.
First things first: Know your friend. Your delivery is important, because perception is everything. Sometimes, people respond to what their friends say and go home and confront their significant other with an attitude (this is probably most women lol). So be gentle. Be sure you don't interfere with their relationship, causing more drama and leading some undo interference into yours. There is a fine line that you must never cross when giving advice to your closest friends so be mindful not to cross it. I am often very careful not to seem judgmental or pushy when solicited because I can be brutal when I see how much they are being hurt. I work really hard to make sure they knows that whatever I say is because I care and want what is best for them. Period!
Allow them to vent. Know the moments that don’t require you to say anything at all. Sometimes, your friend just needs to process through the frustration with someone who is outside of the situation with what they mistakenly THINK is no vested interest. It helps them relieve stress and work through things that may help out and lead to something beneficial for the relationship. There have been so many times that I have been just talking to a friend and talked my own self right into a solution. This can and often times your friend! So just zip it and work on those facial expressions……….
Support them through their trials. That is truly the biggest job you have to do in all of your friendships/relationships. They are already going home to someone who drives them crazy, so you don't want to add to their felt stress and irritation. Give good support in increments—slowly so they don’t feel overwhelmed. It gives time to digest the words of wisdom you are providing regarding the predicament. If we never need anything else we need time to process. If we don't take it we make abrupt and rash decisions.
Never speak negatively of their significant other even when pointing out the things that they probably are already paying attention to themselves. Nine times out of ten, they will become defensive and feel you don't understand and are attacking the person in their life. It may begin to create a wedge between you two even if that isn't what either of you intend. Tread very lightly here because I do know that when a close friend is hurt, you feel the hurt they are experiencing on a level much different than you would of an associate.
In the times you must be around the person who is mistreating your friend, don't give in to your desire to slap the taste out of their mouths for the way they are treating your friend. And I'll make you a promise...........you WILL have to be around them at some point or another. Be clear that it isn't your situation, so you have no right to treat them different just because you don't approve of the behavior. Ultimately you have no say or control over what it is they choose to deal with or ignore for that matter. If you just remember the times you have dealt with things you shouldn't have dealt with, you'll keep your mouth shut, hands to yourself, butt in your chair and lips sealed.
Bring up and steer your conversation in the direction of the positive things that are happening in their lives. Speaking for myself, I know that I need no help at all processing through the bad on my own. That means I also don’t need help enhancing the mental churn any more than I already do regarding situations that trouble me. That’s why as a friend it is key to help direct focus to the great things that are going on around them which keeps spirits high and positive! Be a positive distraction.
At the end of the day, people make their own choices, and you are likely dealing with a friend who has zero intentions of leaving their spouse/significant other. So with that being said, just continue to support them, love them through, be their voice of reason, be a listening ear and available shoulder when they need to lean on you. When they are truly ready to dispel from their lives the negativity and things that no longer are of a benefit to them, (if in fact that is the case here) they will remember all that you said and did as a friend and know you acted out of concern at every turn.
Until Next Time Lovies!