We always hear the old adage that black women don’t get along or that we aren’t supportive of one another and we are always jealous or trying to pull one another down. I can’t say that I haven’t seen it on a number of occasions or been the person that caught a bad vibe when someone walked in and decided I didn’t particularly care for her (AND been the victim a million times). I feel safe in saying we probably all have had that same problem a time or two in our lives. And I think it’s okay as long as it doesn’t become a habit because it’s human. You just don’t want to make a habit out of looking down on anyone, especially someone you don’t even know.
I hung out with a group of ladies this past weekend and I had half the mind to record the conversation we were having and throw it up on my video blog (you could never capture that experience without either seeing it or being a part of it). The energy between us was crazy. Just a bunch of driven, successful, beautiful black women having good food and drinks and conversation. Every person in the room was from different walks of life doing positive things with themselves. We put that old adage to complete shame and we discussed it. The question came up as to why we have that jealous streak and what it actually means when it happens.
If someone walks in a room and you already decide you don’t like her, what reason could that be for? Her confidence? Her looks? Her hair? Her body? How other people are receiving her presence? If she hasn’t opened her mouth and said anything to you, what makes you dislike her? I think we should all ask that question of ourselves. It’s silly and it constantly keeps us divided because if most women are like me, it’s written all over their faces when they don’t like something or someone. I couldn’t play poker………….that’s for sure. The truth is, you don’t know what is happening behind her eyes or her smile or her appearance. You don’t know what she struggles with at night when she is home. You don’t know what she is talking to God about or what she is struggling with. You aren’t walking in her shoes at all.
In some instances, I also feel that people judge more harshly in you what they see or don’t see in themselves. Likely because it’s easier to point out your own inadequacies since they are easily identifiable. I can use my mom for example. We fight often (that’s my girl though), but we go at it because we have so many things that are alike that it annoys me! Lol (don’t judge me) I dislike the things in her that I feel are character flaws I possess. That is what I notice because it is the thing I connect the most to. I’m not going to say that this is everyone’s struggle…………….but the struggle is real. And it’s a real example of how we subconsciously judge and disconnect from other people.
In the conversation with them it was clear that more of us than not enjoy each others company. Positive people. Positive energy. We love to be able to sit in a room full of women we don’t know and mesh. Share. Support. Connect and be the connection. Learning how many of us own businesses or aspire to or know other individuals who do. How creative and innovative we are when we are together. How we can pull the best out of one another when we really open ourselves up to it. No matter how many women out there dislike other women or are extremely overly judgmental, there are more of us out here that vibe well in a room full of estrogen and melanin than those that don’t. If we just start with ourselves changing the perception, we can make changes one person at a time. Just remember, one wrong judgment could make you miss out on an awesome woman who can be a positive influence and great impact to your life.
Until Next Time Lovies!