Parenting Joys: Dealing With A Pre-Teen

They say that you get what you put out into the universe with your parents when you yourself become a parent.  I was definitely a little smart mouthed child who didn’t necessarily feel that adults could teach me much of anything.  Kind of like the kids today.  Knowing everything and completely being okay with that despite how many times you see that you don’t.  Needless to say, that little person of mines………knows more than anyone around him and the rest of us are just removed from his genius (real hard side eye)

So my baby is 12 and is just two months shy of his 13th birthday.  I did say baby because that’s exactly what he is to me. Lol……………that’s why he’s spoiled and out of control right now.  He knows his mother is a softy and adores him beyond words.  So he definitely believes he can get away with ANYTHING as far as I am concerned.  I have no idea what makes him think that either because I’m completely crazy and have no problem jumping right on his behind when he does something wrong.  It doesn’t seem to scare him though…………especially now that he is taller than me.  I guess my attempts to make him think I was a lunatic so he wouldn’t try me have all failed miserably.

His dad and I co-parent from different states.  My son is growing up pretty fast and is definitely in that stage in his life where he probably needed his dad’s rearing a little more than mines so he lives there with him.  But we definitely take care of him TOGETHER.  Consulting on how to manage his growing hormones and behavior.  Hard work!  But it can be done.  I’m a testament to that.  As he grows though, it seems to be a lot of trial and error for his father and I to determine how to deal with different things.  Kids these days are so different from how we were when we were growing up.  They have so much more that they are exposed to that stimulates them.  I remember going outside and just playing all day.  Riding bikes and getting lost in the woods with my crew so I could sneak around and do whatever it is I wanted to do……………….but this isn’t about me so let me not tell on myself.

Anyway, with all that he is growing through in learning how to deal with his own emotions, his changing body, his new attitude and everything around him that is stimulating his curiosity, the most important thing I think that can be done is to be consistent in communicating with him and letting him know that we are always there.  Sometimes they don’t hear you in those moments because they are, like I said, smarter than you, but I am a firm believer that they will remember the things you say and have taught them as long as you consistently reinforce those things no matter their reaction. (they will appreciate you later)

What I’m truly learning about this hormone imbalanced smart-alecky teenager in the making is that you must always make rules, stick to them and don’t waiver.  Kids love balance and that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard.  Yeah they hate you or talk badly about you to their friends, but I can attest to the pain you feel when you aren’t being parented at all……………it definitely hurts worst than having a parent that cares and corrects you.  They yearn for it.  The worst way to lose your kids is to let them raise themselves or forget to provide the structure and balance to their lives that they need.  Even as a working parent that has always had multiple projects happening at once, I still make the time for him.  They deserve that dedication from us and before you know it they will be grown and gone…………..so take advantage of that time.
 

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The most important thing of all of this for parents to take heed to when it comes to cranky over the top teenagers………..DO NOT let Nana come visit! Lol (I had to make that dig at my mother)  She absolutely can not stand me disciplining her grand child.  He’s ruined!  She ruined him.  If I make Thanksgiving dinner and he asks for grilled cheese she will make it!  That’s how she is.  Grandparents are the worst.  Don’t let them around your teen.  You will regret it and someone will lose their cool for sure! Lol But in all seriousness, if you have this problem like I do, just make it clear in front of both of them who the parent is and what rules must stand.  Just be prepared that when you leave the two of them alone your rules are out the window because they keep secrets……………smh You will be providing much redirection when they go back home.

My son and I are super tight with an unbreakable bond.  And that never changes no matter where he is.  We talk about everything and even as much as he adores is father, he makes sure that he talks to me even about things he might not want to say to him.  I am so grateful to have built that type of relationship with him and that is definitely what is helping us get through these times where I might want to lock him in the closet because he is talking back.  I get emotional thinking about how many times I thought I may be failing him because I didn’t take that extra time to play a game with him or go to the park or take him out for ice-cream, leading to some overcompensation that might also be facilitating some of that attitude we get.  Truth is, we all fall short somewhere.  But with every interaction we have together, I am reassured through his love for me that my short comings mean nothing to him in comparison to everything else I have given.  So don’t ever beat yourself up for those short comings.  Stay focused on continuing to grow and parent your child. 

You can’t get around this period of time that is inevitable to rear itself in your life once you see the sweetest face you’ve ever seen and fall in love.  They will grow…………..they will talk……………they will talk back………….they will forget you are the parent………………..you will remind them.  It’s the cycle of life.  And even though I know I don’t have all the answers and definitely can’t determine what works best for your teen, the basics stand.  Do all things for your child in love and the rest will take care of itself.

Until Next Time Lovies!

Miss B

 

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