The Way We View Ourselves: Setting Our Own Rules

What is self-image?  What is self-respect? What is self-worth?  Have you done a self-evaluation of yourself just to see what they mean and how you see yourself in terms of those things?  I think it’s key as women to understand just where we are with ourselves because it allows us to determine how we deal with life, how we will carry ourselves, what we will allow in our space, how we will treat others and how we allow ourselves to be treated.  Sometimes I think we miss out on just how important it is to cultivate these things within ourselves so that we are living stronger, longer, healthier and more meaningful lives.

I was talking to my best friend yesterday and we were talking about a variety of things that had me looking at just how traditional I can be at times.  I know many of my followers have seen that I have talked about being a traditionalist and it does have a lot to do with how I was raised.  I grew up in the church with my very old school family and it is just naturally embedded into the woman I have become.  I have boundaries that I won’t cross because of that upbringing.  I have outfits I won’t wear out in public.  I have certain behaviors I won’t exhibit to the world because of those things and I will always conduct myself in that way because I believe in it and stand by it.  It’s not because I feel better than anyone else, but I believe as women we have control of how we are viewed and we shape the way other little girls grow into viewing themselves.  And I’m not saying all this to say that a short tight dress on an occasion or two makes you a floozy and distasteful (because I have done it) but if you only feel like a sexy women naked, perspective needs to be adjusted.

We talked about women in terms of the outfits that they wear.  Women are much more risk aye these days than ever before.  Yeah we’ve had the Marlene Monroe’s and others like her who didn’t mind showing cleavage and having a split all the way up to her thigh, but these days, women will go out into the world with little to nothing on and I have a hard time understanding why.  Don’t get me wrong or feel I’m being judgmental just because I don’t agree.  I just feel like why give it all away?  Why set that standard for the girls behind you that the only way to exude confidence and sexiness is to go out into the world naked and unafraid?  Is that really the true definition of being comfortable in your skin or is that defined by the world and you are conforming to it?

We slid over to the topic of dating shortly after because they just went so well together.  I am such a firm believer in a man approaching a woman.  I don’t think I’ve had a long lasting relationship with a man that I asked for his number or approached him about a date.  Now that we’ve gotten so forward and so direct, men aren’t necessarily being men (another blog for another day!).  We take away their responsibility to seek their mate because we are so “new aged”. Is that an indication that your self-esteem is so high that you aren’t afraid to go after what you want or is it because so many women now are walking up on a man with his girlfriend and slipping him her number in her face? (Extreme but I need to give you a clear picture of just how much women have changed these days)
 
I was talking to my mom about getting out there and beginning to date again and letting her know that I wasn’t about this “new” life people are living out here.  I want a man that is not afraid to approach me.  I want a man that is confident enough in himself that he doesn’t mind putting himself out there to check up on me.  If he can’t do that then what do I want with him?  That’s the standard I’ve set for myself.  I laughed because she said to me at 56, “Things are different now.  You have to go up to these men sometimes.” All of that coming from the same woman who NEVER had to approach a man.  But it just goes to show that at the end of the day, we are driving this change through our behavior and those of us that may not be so in to the way things have changed………………are we getting left behind due to our standards and expectations?

The way we should view ourselves definitely shouldn’t be shaped by society.  They are making women feel that beauty looks and acts a certain way.  The way they paint a woman and stick her in a commercial or online or on the cover of a magazine can make any woman feel as though her beauty doesn’t necessarily fit into the world we live in.  That she has no space in the room full of women with the long weaves, the tight skirts, the high heels and the low cut shirts.  Their cookie cutter approach to beauty and fashion can leave the traditional fashionista like me in the corner with her handful of understanding ladies.  Because we still exist!

I always say that no one can do you the way you do you.  You are an original…………not a copy.  And when you start to believe that you’ll be happier because you are less concerned about defined standards.  Your defined standards will be what’s driving your way of life.  What I truly hope that everyone grasps is that who you are, how you behave and your “Beauty” is what you make it.  Believing in yourself and what you bring to the table is more important than what someone else is doing.  You have to set your own standard.  There is no reason to believe that you must fit in and do what others are doing just to get ahead. 

atlantablackstar.com

atlantablackstar.com

Some Rules I’m Learning To Live By Faithfully:

  • Be your own kind of beautiful. 
  • Set your own standards. 
  • Define your own happiness. 
  • Live by your own rules. 
  • Love yourself more than anyone else can. 
  • Meet your own expectations. 
  • Give yourself encouragement. 
  • Live your own life and take the risk. 

Until Next Time Lovies!
Miss B

 

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