When Your Best Bet Is Silence

Have you ever just had something on your mind that was weighing heavily on you?  However, despite its heaviness, did you come to the realization that the best thing for you to do was remain silent?  Silent because you knew if the words you wanted to say passed by your lips they would cause some serious damage to those they were intended for?  As you grow as a person and try to be a better version of yourself, you begin learning to fine tune and develop this type of self-control.  You notice the changes because the older version of yourself would probably act on impulse and say things despite their impact.  The better version of yourself realizes that what you truly want to get off your chest is just not worth you losing your cool over.  So you just sit with it, process it, deal with it on your own and move on from it.  It’s easy to say but I understand in great depth that the struggle is real.

I have never really been a “pull punches” type of person.  I’m pretty raw and uncut when it comes to most things in my life……especially when I have been pissed to the highest levels of pisstivity.  Lucky, this better version of myself has truly been attempting the “tread lightly” method for a little while now.  It isn’t always a successful practice but I work at it because there have been times where I have committed epic fails when I didn’t pay attention to how I delivered my messages.  But at the end of the day, no matter the amount of treading I participate in, the message will always be the same.  The unadulterated version of Miss B’s truth.  So the real truth of the matter is…………….don’t ask ME if you don’t want it.

I’ve been experiencing some instances over the last few months where I have really wanted to just give it to the people who deserve it.  This delivery would be unfiltered and uncensored of course.  In my personal opinion, some people don’t deserve for you to be a bigger person.  I just don’t feel that they deserve the better part of you.  They don’t deserve your tact and self-control.  Especially when they know exactly how hard it is for you to exhibit those characteristics.  As I sit with the things I have on my mind there is a sense of frustration with myself that I even want to say those things because I know how deaf the ears are that the words would fall on.  What baffles me more than anything is that at my age, there are still grown adult human beings who need you to say certain things.  Really?  You need me to spell this out for you?  You need the step by step manual………….the blow by blow?  It makes me wonder why things that seem to make perfect sense don’t make sense to other people.  That’s when you have to realize that you vibrate on a different frequency.  Everyone isn’t where you are, can’t see what you see, can’t elevate their mind to where you dwell……………and guess what…………….It’s Not A Problem For You!

Everyone doesn’t grow at the same rate and with age does not come maturity so don’t let people keep telling you that fictitious story.  It’s a tale.  There is no truth to it at all.  (I had to beat the horse there so you get that out of your mind COMPLETELY)  There are people who are so self-absorbed and so in to themselves that they never see beyond the small picture that they have painted for themselves.  But just because they can’t see beyond their skewed view doesn’t mean a bigger picture doesn’t exist.  Full of color and texture and meaning so far beyond what they can see.  Maybe even what you can see.  The key to seeing a picture from different perspectives is learning to meet in the middle and compromise on its interpretation.  When you know that your words will only be mangled and twisted in a way that you don’t intend, that is when you ask yourself…………what could you possibly say to get them to understand your version of its meaning and simply respect it even if they do not agree with it?

Miscommunication is a big problem when talking to another person. If they are not open to seeing things beyond their own idea, no matter what you say, it doesn’t reach.  This is a teachable moment for me.  I used to get so frustrated when I would try to communicate with someone who was never listening to me. They heard me………….but they were never listening to understand me.  There was always the need to one up me and listen for the comeback.  INEFFECTIVE communication at its best.  When you reach that intersection and are standing there for a week trying to make sense of a point that is completely sensible, it’s pointless to continue to work towards some type of agreement on which direction to go in next.  If you put so little energy and effort into truly getting where I’m coming from then what are we doing here?  We are wasting a whole lot of time and a whole lot of good words that could be used for something else.

As I continue to mature in certain areas of my life, because I do know that I’m not the woman I will eventually be, I can appreciate my self-control enhancement workouts.  We all definitely need to have them.  The key is to determine what is worth your time and what isn’t and also to consider the individual that you want to have the interaction with.  Evaluate how the words will change the situation…………..for better or for worse.  That’s where you have to get real with yourself.  Sometimes saying what you feel is only a way to get it off your chest so you aren’t holding them and not necessarily words that will repair or change the situation in any positive way.  Especially when something has truly died and your thoughts are from a purely emotional place.   We hold on to things for so long sometimes that we forget we are even holding.  Let it go.  It’s not worth the moments that you continue to give life to it.  A part of growing up and maturing is knowing when it’s just no longer worth it and no longer worth the words you want to speak about it. 

Until Next Time Lovies!

Miss B

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